I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
