i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
