I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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