Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
