i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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