It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
