Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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