I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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