THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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