drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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