Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
