they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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