So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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