I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
