Small penises have feelings too.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
