First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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