It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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