my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
