im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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