You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Panties = found
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
