So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
