why didn't you poke me back
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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