If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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