Your tits are I can't wait for
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
