I wish I could punch you in the face.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
