You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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