before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
