Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
