when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
