You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
