So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
