i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
