Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
