Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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