He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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