Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
