Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
