Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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