Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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