The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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