It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
