he puts the penis in happiness.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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