The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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