It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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