Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
