Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
