apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Mom said you looked used
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
