Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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