Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
