how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
