I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
