Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
