I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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