My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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