I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
