how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
