I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
