She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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