just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
