i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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