I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
