i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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