you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
