Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
