I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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