mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just googled if crying burns calories
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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