Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
