Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
