I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
