We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
