I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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