when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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