like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
