Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
